"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone".. Neale Donald Walsch.
There are two kinds of people in the world - one having a Ph. D.s, another without that single piece of an accolade. So, even at the risk of sounding smug, I call myself a Ph.D. survivor. That is quite a long journey to be remembered for the rest of my life.
Somehow, from my teenage days, I have always looked up to something big. Blissfully enough, never have I ever been treated differently by my parents or family. I belong to that socioeconomic stratum of urban India, where people do not differentiate between girls and boys while bringing them up. That liberal environment had always encouraged me to choose a path of higher education and to dream big. So, after finishing my master's, when I got a call from a public university in the United States to join their Ph.D. program, I never thought twice. And, yeah, that's when I started. I embarked on a journey that people call LIFE.
At the age of 25, with some resources in hand (given by my doting dad), I started my journey towards a foreign land. With sheer uncertainty mixed with excitation in mind, I traveled my first international. Everything I experienced was the first time for me. I felt like an adult and a global citizen. Not to mention, for the first time ever, I felt myself as another number in the crowd passing by. The journey was smooth, and the expectation was super high. However, the bubble burst when I landed at my final destination. The local airport is just like a tiny bus stand, with only four services daily.
I reached the remote college town in the southern United States, where everything seems different from my known world. I knew nothing about the place and environment before. Then, I was picked up by a good samaritan (an Indian senior, volunteering on behalf of the Indian student Association of the University) in town. He dumped me in an apartment and instructed me to get my lease signed.
It was hot and humid. The apartment did not look very fancy, with the air-conditioning not working properly. I was already feeling homesick and highly jet-lagged. I strangled my footsteps to the bank nearby and opened an account, and then signed my lease in the apartment office. After returning home, I took a shower and crashed the bed. I slept like an infant and woke up the next day super hungry. I had some packets of instant noodles (Maggie, an Indian favorite) that saved my life.
Long story short, I started my solo living for the first time ever (not technically, as I used to share the apartment with a few other Indian girls.) I started my grad school life in the USA. In a blink of an eye, a couple of months passed. The new department, new TA duties, student and colleague from around the world, new etiquette of life, the independence, and yes, the paycheck - I was genuinely overwhelmed with so many things happening simultaneously. Finally, I started to realize that life is what you make it!
My first year finished just like that. There is no public transport in the town. I had no car, not even a Driver's License. Even for the weekly grocery, I had learned to live on others' mercy. So by this time, I have experienced the nuances of living alone. I celebrated the festivals and my birthday away from home for the first time ever. Honestly, I started to appreciate the value of family and friends.
For the first time in life, I have seen the trees changing colors, until it lost all the foliage. I celebrated my first Thanksgiving, participated in a pumpkin carving. Eventually, the small town emptied as all students went home. I survived the winter break doing nothing, except a few days went on a trip to NOLA. Traveling solo with a few acquaintances gave me another perception of life. Since then, I am a fewer tourist and more travelers wandering through new places. Whenever I got any chance to go to a new place, I never let that go, a conference trip or a vacation.
Seasons changed, summer arrived. I grew more confident and a bit more homesick too. Life was getting a bit harder. I still remember the anxiety when I first got the tornado warning message. My first experience with snowfall, at the same time, was surreal. It was a magical experience to see my home becoming a winter wonderland. And yes, by this time, I have started to call this tiny town my home!
My research journey had officially begun. As the majority of the supervisors around, my professor is not a very good mentor. And honestly, on top of that, he is a bit sexist, subtle racist, and a micromanager too. So, my bad days were there knocking at my doors. The same rough patch continued in my personal life too. I went through a breakup. I learned to collapse in bed with tears rolling down. I learned to get up again with a sudden dinner plan. Some days were terrible when there was no food at home. After a very long and tiring day, there was nobody to take care of. I felt alone, helpless. Academically the first year was terrific. However, I screwed up in a couple of courses in the second year. It took me a while to make that up. Nevertheless, with all these happening together, I learned the key to self-sustainability.
In the third year, I grew more mindful of the journey. I was calmer and composed internally, no matter whatever was happening. I accepted the life challenges and took them as an adventure. By that time, some of my research endeavors and hard work started to pay back. I got my first ever journal publication in life. However, research and a grad life are very sloppy. I failed one of my Ph.D. qualifying exams. It was unexpected to me. It was another difficult time. Few course work, assignments, along with some TA duties, and an immense research pressure, that was all my life summed up in a line. I learned the meaning of perseverance. Devoting energy to research is nothing but practicing perseverance and diligence. I remember working up to very late nights in my office. Even I have spent nights there and saw the day broke into the campus. There was no concept called weekends. However, even though life was hectic and rough, I learned the most important lesson - not giving up.
In the following year, I was rock solid in my journey. I passed all the exams and officially became a Ph.D. candidate. By this time, I started giving talks to the conferences and saw my name printed on a few journal publications. I managed to buy an old car and started driving my ass off. That was the most liberating and empowering moment in my life. I never felt so independent and liberated. I realized that it was time to give back. I started to offer rides to the newer people. I knew their struggle. I began to pick up people from the airport or occasionally take them to the grocery shopping. It was such a gratifying moment to help people when they feel helpless. I realized the meaning of giving back without any expectation. It gives peace.
The following year was an earth-shattering one for me. One fine morning, I woke up to the news that my dad left us for his heavenly journey. It was November 22, 2015. This was the toughest time for me. I suddenly felt the heat. All of a sudden, my life changed. It seems that I actually grew up after this. I started to take responsibility for my family and myself. I learned to think beyond. In 2015-16, I was passing through the end phase, the roughest phase of my Ph.D. journey. My life and graduate school became interwind as a journey. And, in this journey, I was just going where the universe takes me to go. In the next year, in 2017, I finally managed to graduate with a Ph.D. diploma in hand. My life after Ph.D.? that is surely a story for another time.
Now, when I retrospect, I know this was a journey of a lifetime. I am no longer the same person as before. Each day during the Ph.D. has taught me something. It changed my outlook towards life and gave me a shape. I think graduate school life is just like life. Some days are good, some days are exciting, some days are tiring, some days are very disappointing, no matter what, one has to continue the journey towards the destination. Even though the destination is the target, the goal is to enjoy the journey mindfully.
Below I have summarized the life lessons that I got through my experience in graduate school:
1. failures are integral parts of life. Don't get perturbed. Take the lesson from it and move on.
2. Imposters are real. You have to fathom to deal with it.
3. No matter what, giving up is not an option. Even if you fall down, the real success is to collect yourself and stand up.
4. Professionalism in every sphere demands a certain honesty, like dedication, perseverance. You can nail everything once you bring the correct attitude.
5. Keep faith in yourself and your own capabilities. Always remind yourself that you are an integral part of the evolution that shaped mankind. Therefore, you are designed to accept any challenge.
6. Life is full of uncertainty. Don't get anxious thinking about the past or the future. Instead, you better try to live in the presence. Take a strategy of one breath at a time.
7. Destination is the key. However, enjoying the journey is most important. Try to appreciate it.
8. Being independent is the key to feel confident. Preparing the meal or driving are basic life hacks that everybody should know.
9. If possible, try to give back something to society. Society is a collective effort that mankind built over time. Everybody is an integral part of it, knowingly or unknowingly.
10. As you mature, try to appreciate the diversity and be inclusive. No matter how different we look superficially, at the core, everybody has similar values. Only an eye with a non-judgemental filter can liberate you to this space.
