My ideal partner

“Affection is when you see someone’s strengths; love is when you accept someone’s flaws.”

People often tend to emulate cinematic ideals of love. I have never subscribed to any of that rom-com “Love at first sight’’ gibberish in my dating history. Honestly, never have I ever been sexually aroused just by looking at a Greek-Godesque male physique. I have heard many of my female friends discussing how they go weak at their knees just by checking out a ‘’hot’’ or a “cute’’ guy in a bar. Well, don’t get me wrong. Who passes on an opportunity to check out a physically attractive and well-built male (the so-called eye candies)? We, ladies, get visually stimulated too. However, that alone does not mean that my panties will drop onto the ground so fast that they make a hole. My sapiosexual and demisexual self ensures that I travel a few extra miles on certain grounds before I start to feel those tingling sensations.

Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder…

Physically attractive features have always been the benchmark for picking a mate (irrespective of gender) in the human world. This dates back to the primitive desire for a more robust and prettier genetic contribution to improve the offspring's survival. Moreover, the evolutionary notion that only physically stronger breeds could survive on the primitive, unruly earth (Survival of the fittest anyone?). So, a healthy physique became a gold standard for the concept of beauty. For thousands of years of Eurocentric civilization, certain specific beauty standards have become benchmarks. For instance, women have traditionally been judged according to their skin tone or their curviness. The beauty and fashion industries did everything to fuel this notion. Unfortunately, the fear of rejection and low confidence through the years have washed many precious lives ashore.

Likewise, men find themselves being judged by “manly’’ parameters like height, voice tones, or physique. The very definition of true masculinity injected a strong dose of patriarchy into society. Millions of men go through pains and rejections daily due to their physical appearances not being enough ‘’masculine’’. Some deeply ingrained misconceptions of being regarded as an alpha male have become synonymous with hefty, rude, or unapologetic behavior. For decades, people have been eye-washed by Westerns portraying cringe-worthy male-chauvinism. This entire dynamic has also polarized society, thus making it more sexist.

However, as a cisgender and heterosexual woman, I do have my eyes on men…

Let me admit, I do get sexually aroused by men and sometimes love a few ‘’manly’’ mannerisms too. I accept humbly that deep down, at my very core, I do appreciate some gender-based roles, especially during intimate times. Some of these roles are deeply ingrained in our society from an anthropological standpoint. Knowingly, or unknowingly, all those hunter-gatherer insecurities and gender roles persist there. I enjoy submitting in front of a male partner during our carnal adventures. I feel aroused and safe when stronger arms entwine me or when I rest my head on his hairy chest. I cherish being a femme during an exchange of primitive and raw-sexual energy. However, I don’t buy into the stereotypical idea that a man must flaunt his overblown chivalric attitude.

Conflicting? Is it?…

Are you flabbergasted by my conflicting self? Let me assure you that life should be perceived subjectively and contextually despite its initial apparent contradiction.

I appreciate a strong male ego only in the course of raw carnal desire. I love to seduce my man and make him drool for me. I have my own power dynamics with him, but that is entirely restricted to my primal existence. But outside my sexual realm, when there is nothing to do with me being a ‘’girl,’’ I love the idea of gender equality. I never judge my peer in light of gender or sexual orientation. Well, one can argue about gender roles in society being naturally selected. Yes, maybe. Gender roles were too stringent in the community, even centuries ago. However, for a cutting-edge, postmodern millennial like me, this idea of gender-specific notion seems mindless in the context of modern times. In 2021, a global revolution is surging to identify a human being without traditional gender stereotyping. So, instead of an ideal ‘’man,’’ what would a modern woman like me typically desire as crush-worthy qualities?

Everybody has their own set of priorities, so do I…

1. Intelligence:

As a sapiosexual, I find myself enticed towards an intelligent, often geeky, nerd. I love his knowledge and obsession with ‘’nerdy’’ stuff and adore the intellectual connection with him. However, a woman like me would appreciate a super analytical mind who can question the universe or the authority.

However, it might turn off the scenario if the person is arrogant and continuously shows off his credentials or IQ to belittle others.

2. Emotional strength:

Despite IQ being an attractive trait in a guy, EQ is the new superpower. I find it incredibly alluring if a guy shows genuine compassion and empathy towards others. An emotionally nourished human being is often a gem to live with.

However, he must not go overboard to make me feel dependent and clingy. It would be a total turn-off to deal with an emotionally melodramatic guy who nags continuously.

3. Communication:

I love to talk and share ideas. So for me, the guy needs to impress me just by talking. Be it a sexy flirt or a logical repartee, a person capable enough to express his mind and feelings is sexy. I love it if there is a judgment-free zone, where both the partners can share anything and everything without the fear of being judged. Furthermore, proper communication from a partner’s point of view exudes emotional maturity. So, communication is the key to any adult relationship.

However, nobody appreciates a mindless chatterbox though.

4. Liberal and inclusive:

I harbor strong liberal and inclusive views. So it goes without saying that I will fall for another liberal person who believes in diversity. Any conservativeness (be it religious or political) is an absolute dealbreaker. A woman like me would absolutely love a person who understands fundamental human rights and respects a healthy boundary.

5. A gastronome:

Let me come out and use this opportunity to address my inner foodie self. I am a huge foodie through and through, and I love my guy being another gastronome. I would love to take it further when he is a fellow culinarian. It’s always hot to see your man cooking for you. I would love to embark on a new culinary journey with him. Eating and cooking together create happy memories and always leave a certain sense of accomplishment. Food, being one of the necessities of survival, always finds a way to connect two human beings emotionally.

However, the absence of his culinary abilities wouldn’t be too much of a problem. He can be passionate about common interests in general, be it an avid gamer or a voracious reader. I feel that these adventures together on common emotional grounds, his enthusiasm and willingness to make happy memories are enough to make me feel connected.

6. Sexual Compatibility:

I firmly believe that sexual compatibility is a significant factor, which is rarely discussed. There is hardly any correlation between an alluring look and him fulfilling the sexual fantasies. Sexual satisfaction emerges from the romantic alignment between the partners and proper communication between them. So, looks can often be deceptive. One can hit the jackpot with somebody who might appear somewhat less sexy at first glance! Let me reiterate that body types or shapes do not matter. I also feel that only carnal compatibility alone cannot guarantee a healthy relationship, but it is required in at least some dosage. Connecting on a similar emotional bandwidth is essential to establish that very carnal compatibility.

Don’t judge a book by its cover…

Many women out there think alike and may have their own lists and attributes to add. Most people chase after physical beauty. However, the key to sustaining a healthy relationship lies in hitting a similar emotional frequency. So from my experience and acquired wisdom, I list some simple philosophies:

The fittest's phrase survival does not adhere to external physical strengths in the modern information age anymore. Instead, knowledge and emotional strengths are the new currency.

Emotional connection is the soul of any relationship. A set of shared values or a similar life philosophy often brings the two people on the same page.

Compatibility on a few grounds is genuinely essential. Proper, judgment-free communication is the key to evaluate them.

Nevertheless, no human being is perfect and cannot be custom-built. One can never find a person with all requirements. After all, they are a fellow human being, not a commodity for sale. In the long run, everybody needs to adjust somewhat and compromise to make the relationship work. And when there is love, everything works.

Chasing after a “sexy” partner may be misleading. External features and beauties are not eternal and tend to fade as people age. On the contrary, the inner beauty of a human being should be celebrated. So, instead of looking for a sexier physique, a sexier brain might be worth drooling for. And, if that hits a chord, Voila!

Foodgasm - A love-affair with food

“Food is symbolic of love when words are inadequate.” 
-Alan D. Wolfelt.

Have you ever devoured any food such that you felt blissfully content? Just imagine that somebody returns home, starved, right after a long and tiring day. And his beloved one offers him a hot, utterly-buttery delicious meal, maybe one of his favorite entrees, cooked with love and care. He ravages through the meal as if there is no tomorrow. How does that feeling sound? Simply euphoric. To describe that mojo in a single word, people often call it 'Foodgasm.' The urban dictionary defines it as experiencing a feeling of sheer orgasmic pleasure after eating a sumptuous meal. 

Food can do wonders

Food definitely overwhelms a person with all the five senses (taste, smell, touch, sight, and sound). Leaving aside the taste alone, think about the nice aroma or the sizzling sound coming from a hot sizzler. Or the sensation oozing from a crunchy outside and a juicy inside of some fried goodies. 

Food collectively engraves an impression on us. This is often therapeutic. A bad or a gloomy day lightens up just by eating a lavish or a wholesome dinner. One doesn't have to be an epicure to appreciate the food. It is related to the most primal instinct and the most primitive insecurity, which is hunger. So no matter what, food always hits a chord. It creates a memory and always binds us with people with whom we are breaking bread. The experience can be addictive as well as seductive too. 

Food - a journey

By food, what I mean is the total experience associated with it. Each meal is a journey. It starts from a venture of collecting the ingredients ('grocery shopping' in more run-of-the-mill terminology), goes through the preparatory phase (simply, cooking), and culminates in the mouth. Would it be an exaggeration if I dare to compare it with an erotic journey, the three consecutive phases being the foreplay, coitus, and the climax?

So, knowingly or unknowingly, we all have experienced the foodgasm! Exciting, huh!

1. Collecting the ingredients:

In a more rustic way, collecting the ingredients is technically stocking up the pantry. We all go to the supermarkets, a bazaar, or a farmers market to buy fresh produces. A physical market (not online delivery) is the real deal. All the hustles and bustles of a busy marketplace have always intrigued me. I love the vibrations coming from the crowd - all different people united by the spirit of life. So, whenever I travel to a new city, I try to visit the local marketplace. These are actually the places where one can find the true spirit or the signature of that metropolis. The older the city, the more vibrant is the bazaar. 

So, marketplaces are something that ignites the foodie-spirit in me. I feel the colorful vegetables by simply touching them. I try to evaluate fresh fish or a piece of meat just by looking at them. As I explore the entire marketplace, I get new food ideas. This is how I begin my journey towards the food. To buy some ingredients, sometimes I argue with the seller or chat with a fellow shopper. All of these make me feel so alive. The more I cultivate, the more I feel passionate about food.

2. Cooking:

The next step in this journey is pretty self-explanatory. To me, cooking is not just an ordinary household chore, but a therapy. Using a few humble ingredients, cooking creates magic from nothing. Cooking is that skill, which ignites the creative self and leaves behind the pleasure of empowerment. As a whole, this elevates me to the next hyperplane and makes me feel so liberated. Cooking has always been a real stress-buster. After returning home in the evening, the urge to experiment in the kitchen makes me feel like a real star. Or, more like a queen in my own castle. I feel so independent and empowered. 

Dealing with the simple stuff, making them ready for the show - marinating, preparing the spices, playing it off on the fire, I love it all. I love all the kitchen sounds of chopping, grinding, or boiling. It is so soothing to see something getting cooked, with all its bubbling sound and the aroma.  My senses are filled with sheer pleasure, overflowing everywhere, and spreading happiness.

Cooking as a whole creates a memory. Either experimenting in my own way or adopting and curating an ancestral recipe, working together with somebody has always been fun. That experience of creation is something that strengthens the emotional bond. It helps to feel like a team. I have always adored those couples who cook together. Even if you have a kid at home, it has always been a good idea to get them involved. Ask them to give a simple hand in the family baking time. This will eventually be a nice learning curve for them. They would understand the familial and societal values. They will be more compassionate and (realize the importance of being/grow up to be) a team player. In a nutshell, the art of cooking, with its inherent creativity,  is so addictive and pleasurable.

3. Dining:

Now, we have reached the final stage of our food journey. The most orgasmic one -  when one actually gets the meal for devouring. Sadly, this is the quickest phase. All good things end up real fast! One spends three hours in a kitchen preparing the meal. However, it takes hardly fifteen-twenty minutes to eat. Just like climaxing! All that build-up for a few blissful moments! So unjust!

 No matter what you eat, it is the real thing that you are pouring to yourself. As they say, you are what you eat. So it is a real experience that stays with you. Food experience may vary according to our own socioeconomic strata, but it remains the same at its core. It nourishes and satisfies our mind-body and soul. Food echos our life experiences. All we grew up eating some home-cooked food or comfort meals. They may not be a very fancy one but give us a true sense of comfort. We have a lot of satisfying childhood memory built around them. Eating the same food again resonates the chord inside and brings us back those childhood memories of sheer joy. That is why most of us often feel that mothers are the best cooks ever. Again, there are certain fancy meals which we all eat at some points. Those are gorgeous memories, too, with all the abundant flamboyance associated with them.

So, no matter what we eat, the memory stays with us as an experience. It actually dates back to those hunter-gatherer days of our forefathers. When people used to sit together as a community and share the meals. Although technically we don't belong to the hunter-gatherer era, we are still living there in our brains. Evolution is quite a slow process. So, Even though we live in a civilized society, we are still very primitive at our cores. We are constantly battling with the same insecurities and instincts encoded in our DNA left by our ancestors. So, our livings still revolve largely around food. 

Even today, whenever we go to a BBQ party or a picnic, the smell of the fire-roasting makes us drool over. It reminds us of our very early primate-selves. Food as a whole is that ultimate thing that binds us with our peers. Somewhere down the line, it gives us a comfortable assurance of communal living. We realize that we are not alone, rather backed by the generations of humanity.

Nevertheless, food is the one major things over which humankind has fought forever. Every single grain is important to us. Since the dawn of humanity, people have fought to ensure their fair share of resources on earth and somewhere to establish their own mortal existence. That is why each grain of food is indeed a holy grain to humanity. So, often in many old civilizations, food has been honored almost as a deity. In Hinduism (majorly practiced in India), we regard the foodgrains as the Goddess Lakshmi, the Hindu deity of luck, wealth, and prosperity. Also, to every possible religion, feeding people have been regarded as the ultimate virtue. That is why inviting somebody for a meal is still being adored and practiced globally. It is that wholesome experience of living that one can offer to fellow human beings. 

 Love thy Neighbour!

So, no matter what you eat, do it together, and create a life-long happy memory. Value dinner time with your family. Set aside the cellphone, and eat mindfully with the person next to you. This is the key to emotional wellbeing and happy life. Keep eating, and keep feeding others. 

Bon appetit! 

* Image:  Lobster grilled in a Goan coconut curry sauce, served on the bed of peas-polao! A recent experiment in my kitchen.

গুলাবো - সীতাবো

পূর্বরঙ্গ 

"ishrat-e-qatra hai dariyā meñ fanā ho jaanā
/ dard kā had se guzarnā hai davā ho jaanā ।।"

প্রিয় গালিবের শহরের শুক ও সারি , কথক ঠাকুরের গুলাবো ও সিতাবো ।ঝগড়া, লড়াই, ভালোবাসা - এক ঝরা সময়ের সাক্ষী। শীতের রাতের মায়াবী ঘন কুয়াশায় কান পাতলে শোনা যায় জমে থাকা নিঃশ্বাসের শব্দ - লক্ষ্নৌ নগরীর অলি- গলির রৌনাক- শৌনক, উত্থান- পতনের দীর্ঘশ্বাস।

জমাটি শীতল অন্ধকারের মধ্যে থেকে ভেসে আসে প্রথম রাত্রের মেহফিলের রোশনাই ; প্রদীপ নিভে যাওয়ার আগে যেরকম জ্বলে ওঠে ! নোনা ধরা ইঁটের দেওয়াল থেকে বের হয় সুবাসিত গুলাবী আতর। পানপাত্র ঠোঁটে রেখে অভিসারি প্রেমিকার কটাক্ষ। আরঞ্জিত সে ঠোঁটে আলতো ছুঁয়ে যায় আঙ্গুল। জমে ওঠে ঠুমরির তান। মাদকাসক্ত প্রেমিকের শায়রী যেন আগুনের ফুলকির মতো জ্বলে ওঠে। এরশাদ !

"কটাক্ষে মরিয়া যায়

কটাক্ষে বাঁচিয়া উঠে

হাসিতে হৃদয় জুড়ে

হাসিতে হৃদয় টুটে "

রাতের অন্ধকার আরো জমে উঠলে নর্তকীর ঘুঙরু একটু বেতালে শোনায় ।আলিঙ্গনাবদ্ধ শিথিলবসনার হাত থেকে গড়িয়ে যায় সুরাপাত্র।সেই মদিরার বাষ্প জমে বাতাস ক্রমশ ভারী, ঠিক শেষ রাত্রের গণিকালয়ের মতো।তারই মধ্যে মিশে যায় বিগতযৌবনার শৈথিল্য-হাহাকার, ঠিক যেন বাতিল, ঝরে পড়া ফুলমালার নৈরাশ্য।

"আজ যানে কি জিদ না করো.."

নগরীর মাথার ওপর ফ্যাকাশে চাঁদ সূর্যের মতো জ্বলে।সর্পিলাকার অলি-গলি ধরে বয়ে চলে বৈপরীত্যের সমাপতন। কোথাও যৌবনের সমারোহ তো কোথাও বার্ধক্যের নিঃসঙ্গতা। কোথাও বৈভবের প্রাচুর্য তো কোথাও দারিদ্র্য যন্ত্রনা। প্রেম, বিরহ, অভিমান, অন্তর্ঘাত, দ্বেষ, কাম, ক্রোধ, লোভ, মোহ, মদ, মাৎসর্য - নাগরিক রাত্রির মুহূর্ত সমূহ যেন প্রতিটি তন্ত্রী তে বিচ্ছুরিত এক সম্মিলিত অনুরণন।

রাত শেষ হয় ক্রমে; ভেসে আসে ফজরের নামাজের আজান ধ্বনি। মন্দিরের ঘন্টাধ্বনি মিশে যায় তাতে। গোমতীর ধারে, দিক্চক্রবালে আবারও একটা চন্দ্রাস্ত হয়।

"যব ছোড় চলে লাখনৌ নাগরী।..."

সেই রাম ও নেই, সেই অযোধ্যা ও নেই।

নবাবীয়ানা, ভুলভুলাইয়া, ব্রিটিশ রেসিডেন্সি, মিউটিনি, ওয়াজেদ আলী .. ইতিহাস হয়তো মনে রেখেছে কিছু, বা অনেকটাই রাখেনি। তবে লক্ষ্নৌ নগরীর গুলাবো -সিতাবো কিন্তু এখনো গল্প শোনায় নিরন্তর, রুমি দরওয়াজা কিংবা চকের ধারে বসে - সেই সব কথা, যা পৃথিবী ভুলে গেছে। তবু ওরা বলে চলে- সেই সব প্রাসাদ, সেই সব ফেলে আসা রূপকথার গল্প, যা একদিন ছিল লক্ষ্নৌ নগরীর গর্ব।

'সকলি ফুরায় ফুচকার প্রায়, পড়ে থাকে শালপাতা'

কোনো এক অখ্যাত গলির ভিতর শতাব্দী প্রাচীন অট্টালিকা -  বয়সভারে এবং অতি ব্যবহারে ক্লান্ত, জীর্ণ। কালের প্রকোপ যেরকম সব ভুলিয়ে দেয়, এই অস্থিচর্মসার স্থাপত্য কীর্তি নিজেও ভুলতে বসেছে, যে এর ও একদিন যৌবন ছিল। কেউ ভালোবেসে নামকরণ করেছিল তার - 'ফতিমা মহল'।এখানেও একদিন প্রতিরাত্রে মেহফিল সাজতো, চৌকাঠ গমগম করতো কত মানুষের আনাগোনায় ।এখনও হয়তো কোনো কোনো রাত্রি শেষের স্বপ্নে ফিরে ফিরে আসে - গতজন্মের স্মৃতির মতো সেই সব দিনগুলো।আরো একবার দীর্ঘশ্বাস ফেলে সে, আরও একদিন বয়স বেড়ে যায় ওই জীর্ণ হাভেলীর। সেই ফ্যাকাসে চাঁদ টা এখনো জ্বলে মাথার ওপর। বাঁধভাঙা নরম সাদা আলোয় ধুয়ে যায় সুবিশাল তার অঙ্গন।চারপাশে মায়ার মতো ঘিরে থাকে আলো অন্ধকারে ঘেরা, ভেঙে পড়া বারান্দা।কিছু আঁধার, কিছু রহস্য সেই কোন প্রাচীন কাল থেকে ধুমায়য়িত হয়ে আছে ওখানে।বসন্তের গুনগুন বাতাসের মতো সেই জ্যোৎস্নালোক যেন ফিস ফিস করে বলে যাচ্ছে তার কানে কানে,

- অট্টালিকা তুমি কি শুধুই বাড়ি, প্রাণ নেই গো তোমার?

 অমনি অন্ধকার এসে ছুঁয়ে দেয় আবার তাকে। অট্টহাস্য করে ওঠে সেই অট্টালিকা। মৃত্যুযন্ত্রণার মতো হাহাকার ছড়িয়ে পরে দিকে দিকে।

- না না, মৃত্যু হয়েছে আমার। এটা পরকাল, দেখতে পাচ্ছনা ? সব অশরীরী এখানে।রূপকথারা সত্যি হয়না গো; ফিরে যাও চন্দ্রালোক, কোনোদিন মিলন হবে না আমাদের।

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আবহ 

গুলাবো-সীতাবো হলো সেই শুক ও সারি । যারা রূপকথার গল্প শুনিয়ে চলে, অবিরাম। 

আমাদের গল্প শুরু হয় শতাব্দী প্রাচীন এই ফতিমা মহলে বসেই ।অমূল্য হাভেলিটির মালকিন হলেন ফতিমা বেগম, আব্বুর আদরের ফিত্তু আজ অশীতিপর বৃদ্ধা। বয়সভারে স্মৃতিভ্রষ্টা কিঞ্চিৎ, তবে আভিজাত্যের রক্ত এখনো ধমনীতে প্রবহমান। হোক না গৌরব অস্তমিত, তবু তো তিনি বেগম। নিত্যক্ষনের সঙ্গী তাঁর আদরের পরিচারিকা 'দুলহান', মাথায় মেহেন্দি করা কিংবা পান সেজে দেওয়ার হুকুমে তটস্থ। হাজার হোক, বেগম সাহেবার আবদার বলে কথা।

আর আছে এই গল্পের আলোকবর্তৃকার কেন্দ্রস্থলে, প্রদীপের নিচের অন্ধকারের মতো কোনো এক মির্জা, না না গালিব নয়। বয়সভারে ন্যুব্জ, জীবনযুদ্ধে ক্লান্ত এক পরাজিত সৈনিক। অবিন্যস্ত পোশাক, ফেজটুপি। বেমানান মোটা চশমা র তলায় দুটি কোটরাগত ক্লান্ত চোখ। সে চোখের তারায় তারায় জমে আছে শুধু খিদে -জ্বালা, নিরাশা, একাকিত্ব আর লালসা। এই বিশাল অট্টালিকার একমাত্র দেহরক্ষীর মতো - যদিও ওই অমূল্য ইমারতকে তার ভালোবাসা শুধুই পার্থিব মূল্যের জন্য। লোকে বলে মরা হাতি লক্ষ টাকা। তাই সবার অলক্ষে ওই খসে পড়া ইমারতের আনাচে কানাচে থেকে তার জহুরীর চোখ খুঁজে নেয় রত্ন - কখনো একটা বাতিল ঝাড়বাতি কিংবা কখনো কিছু পুরোনো মুদ্রা। কথায় বলে, 'জো দিখতা হয়, ও বিকতা হয়'।

এছাড়া আছে পরজীবীর মতো উদ্বাস্তু, জীর্ণ হাভেলীর আঁকে-বাঁকে আশ্রয় নেওয়া বাঁকের মতো কিছু না মানুষের কাহিনী, যাদের কথা কেউ বলবেনা কোনোদিন। দারিদ্রের সঙ্গে, জীবনের সঙ্গে বোঝাপড়া করতে গিয়ে যাদের জীবনটাই সম্পূর্ণ বিকিয়ে গেছে। 

আরও যা আছে, তা হলো এক প্রেম - অপ্রেমের দ্বন্দ্ব। আবহমান কাল ধরে বয়ে আসা নর - নারীর সম্পর্ক বড়ো জটিল। মির্জা আর বেগম, এক অসমবয়সী প্রেম। মহাকালের প্রকোপে ভুলতে বসা এক অদ্ভুত সম্পর্ক।তাদের নিজেদের ও মনে পড়ে না, তাদের প্রেমের উত্থান-পতন বা ইতিহাস।আসলে মানুষ - মানুষির ঊর্ধে উঠে এই সম্পর্ক আসলে দুজন মানুষের একটি মনুষ্যেতর ইমারতের সঙ্গে। এই ফাতিমা মহল যেন কোনো ইট - চুন - সুরকির স্থাপত্য নয়, শতাব্দী প্রাচীন অভিশপ্ত, জীর্ণ আরও একটি মনুষ্য দেহ, বয়সভারে ক্লান্ত। 

'গুলাবো-সীতাবো' তাই আসলে শুধুই একটি রূপকথা, ফতিমা মহলের একান্ত নিজস্ব।

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পরিশেষে 

গুলাবো - সীতাবোর প্রতিটি দৃশ্যে উঠে এসেছে এমন সব কাব্যিক চিত্র কল্প। ছত্রে-ছত্রে অসাধারণ ক্যামেরার কাজ যেন আসলে বাস্তবের গল্পের ওপর দিয়ে একটি পরাবাস্তব ছবি আঁকতে চেয়েছে। প্রাচীন লক্ষ্নৌ নগরীর ক্যানভাসের ওপর ফুটে উঠেছে আধুনিক ক্ষয়িষ্ণু নাগরিক জীবন, যেখানে রেশমাত্র নেই কোনো নবাবীয়ানার। না, এটা ঠিক সিনেমার রিভিউ নয়। তাই, গল্পের ঘনঘটা বা আরো আনুষঙ্গিক চরিত্রচর্চা, প্রযুক্তিগত দিক, বা কোনোরকম স্কুলবুক ফিল্মমেকিং চর্চা কোনোটাই আজকের বিষয় নয়। 

সিনেমা হিসেবে যে 'গুলাবো - সীতাবো' একেবারে ত্রুটিমুক্ত, অসাধারণ তা না বললেও এই ছবির বেশ কিছু কিছু জায়গা কিন্তু চোখে জল এনে দিয়েছে। আর এই অনবদ্য কাজটির জন্য শত শত কুর্নিশ প্রাপ্য বচ্চন সাহেবের। দীর্ঘদেহী নায়ক তাঁর সমস্ত সুঠাম আদর্শবান নায়কত্ব সরিয়ে রেখে যেভাবে বয়সভারে ন্যুব্জ, জীর্ণ নেতিবাচক বৃদ্ধকে বাস্তব করে দিয়ে গেলেন, আর সব ভুলে গেলেও, শুধুমাত্র তার জন্যই ওনাকে বলিউড মনে রাখবে দীর্ঘ সময় । 

An outrage

 As a daughter of India, sometimes I wonder how I am alive yet, without being raped. I then realize and thank my luck. I belong to the so-called 'privileged class,' the uppermost caste. I was born to a family and parents (in urban and liberal India) who do not differentiate between a girl and a boy child. I am privileged enough to get the food, safety, healthcare, and education best available to my socioeconomic strata. Fortunately and thankfully, I have always enjoyed my independence and the right to make choices (food, clothes, profession, deity, love affair, life partner, indeed in every aspect of life).

I never realized the pain of being a 'Dalit' in India, or a 'Black' in the US. Although I have watched several movies portraying such horrific, unjust, and brutal torture against those sects, I then kinda thought them to be a cinematic exaggeration. 

But no, I was so wrong. It has been eight years since the notorious Nirbhaya rape case, which shook the entire nation. And, now, even in 2020, we see that nothing has changed, instead worsened. And now I am scared as hell. All India's daughters are too scared to live in their own land for their own security and safety. And these are just a few cases that came to the forefront. I'm sure there are a million other instances of brutality that go unnoticed. And just to mention, there is a thing called marital rape in India! 

Once, in one of my close relatives' houses, there was a pet dog. The dog was not that friendly and was used to biting people. On a funnier note, according to the family's conviction, it was never the dog's fault, rather the victim's who supposedly 'annoyed' the dog and provoked it! Can you see the similarity? Yes, in our unfortunate motherland, we see the same pattern when it comes to the point of rape. The rape victim or the girl has always been judged and accused of being guilty. Now I realize why in specific belts of India, a girl-child is so unwanted. I would have thought in the same way, too! Being a parent of a girl child is too risky. It is so much of a liability to protect her life and 'izzat' since childhood. And then it comes to another big responsibility and liability to save a considerable amount of money for her marriage and for the dowry. But now, on second thought, I feel it's even scarier to have a boy-child too. What if he turns out to be a rapist!

I know I cannot do much. Sitting at a safe distance, I just outrage on social media or just walk in a peaceful protest march. I am sorry for my fellow sisters. I only see you being raped or burned. However, at least I can shout in frustration - A girl does not live at her vagina. She is not just meant for sex or reproduction. The Dalit people are not meant to be used and raped, and thrown away. Fundamental human rights are the same for all, irrespective of sex, caste, nationality, race, skin color, or socioeconomic status. 

#DalitLivesMatter #GirlLivesMatter 

Intoxication

"ফুল ফুটুক নাই বা ফুটুক, আজ বসন্ত"

I call it HIGH when there is no opiate.
It's just you and me talking to our eyes.
I repeat, it's just you and me;
and La solitude.
Bro, I call it HIGH when there is Love.

It's not the first time babes,
that somebody's touching me.
Thrilled I called each time then,
HIGH I call it now.
'coz Dude, you have touched my soul.

Hell ya, I love thy eyes.
Cute face and lips, all that is mine.
But most adorable is the fucking brain,
the soul, and all the mind games.
I confess I love the way you LOVE me.

#Sassy_balaa

Why reviews are overrated

From the dawn of humanity, since when mankind has learned the art of communication, they probably counted on fellow comrade's opinion and recommendation while making some choices. The same heritage is carried over throughout the generations. Even though the mode and the means have modernized, the basic idea remains the same. 

To keep the tradition up, in recent times of the digital age, we count a lot on online reviews. Be it a local business or a tourist attraction, or any kind of products/gadgets, the second opinion always matters to us. Yes, we all look in some sort of reviews (as a part of research) while making a choice about a restaurant or buying any new electronic gadgets. So definitely positive reviews are something that validates the success of a business. The business leaders or analysts can explain them better, but you really don't have to be a rocket scientist to grasp the basic idea. There are a lot of articles and business reports available (without much technical jargon) where the basic concepts say that online reviews more or less impact the success of any product. 

But have you ever felt tired? Let's face it. These days the review things are getting a bit cliched. Even though I am an avid Goggle reviewer and tremendously rely on reviews almost every time I make a choice, nowadays, I feel that the concept is a little overrated. I will tell you, why do I think so. Here let me discuss piecewise:

1. Reviewing (without detailed descriptions) is ambiguous. I often rate as 4 stars (out of 5) to any restaurants, even if they have offered the service pretty well. Because sometimes, I am ambiguous. And sometimes, I just felt that I am missing the 'wow' factor. But honestly, these feelings are very much temporal. Depending on my personal mood and emotions, I often mess up with this. 

2. To tackle this, the written/ detailed descriptions of the reviews are made available. Those are usually much reliable to comprehend the exact experience. People read them a lot before making any choice. Business management also considers them very seriously. Nowadays, a lot of social media analysts or data scientists (in big enterprises) are being appointed for sentiment analysis of any product. However, here also the same problem can persist. Some reviewers are sometimes too harsh over some minute issues, and some people are too lenient most of the time. So, there has always been a scope of ambiguity left.

3. Like all natural physical phenomena, you can find the review stars follow certain distributions. As there is a different kind of people exist with different mental rating scales (e.g., somebody is very liberal about giving away the points, and some persons are very stringent.) So, technically you go with the central tendency. However, the mean rating goes up with more people giving 5 stars. There comes a trick, you don't know how many evaluations have been manipulated by the business owner! So, I doubt if all these stars are always reliable or not (considering the possibilities of Fake reviews).

4. Now, forget all these real-world ambiguities or manipulations. Even if I consider the world to be too ideal, still there is a problem. Each people is socioeconomically different. So, their choices, mindsets, and expectations from lives are also different; So, clearly, if A is the best option for person 1, that might not be the case for me. So while buying a headphone, you may like a specific product based on your choice of 'Return on investment' ratio. However, I being a completely different person and belonging to a different socioeconomic sect, that might not apply to me. However, there is a possible chance that reading that review might not be useful for me (rather can misguide).

5. Ethnicity and cultural differences play a significant role.  People from different technical original mostly have different tastes and views about life. While picking a restaurant (of any cuisine, unknown to me), can be really misleading if one relies on random reviews. The tastebuds usually won't match for people coming from two different cultures and ethnicities.

6. There are some reviewers, too biased for any particular brand (for example, Apple). These people are too emotionally connected with that specific brand. So, evidently, their reviews are not much impartial.

So, even though we rely a lot on the reviews, this is a high time when we need to reconsider. Let us spend much time on more specific research of our own, instead of counting much on other peoples' opinions. 

However, It's not only me, but a lot of people are also already talking about this. If you have time, there are some quickies for you:

https://www.forbes.com/sites/geoffreymorrison/2014/06/29/5-ways-customer-reviews-are-useless-and-one-way-theyre-not/#647b5e6c680e

https://www.inclout.com/blog/online-reviews-yelp-google-facebook-are-worthless

How smart phone changed my life

Definitely, this discussion is not that relevant for anybody belonging to Generation Z or alpha. They grew up with smartphones or, in general, electronic gadgets. However, I being pretty much a millennial, have seen it all. I belong to that generation of people who have seen the pre-internet or pre-smartphone era, however, thrived in the pinnacle of the digital age. 

I was born (1985)  and brought up in India, and got my first cell phone ever when I was 17-18ish. That was early 2004. It was that bygone era of old 'unsmart' phones where the primary purpose of the phone was just to dial and receive calls or to send text messages. That was a time when the phone screens were only black and white. The ring tones were dull and boring. There was an immense storage problem in that low-capacity device. I had to clear the memories of the inbox every now and then to read the new incoming text. 

I got my first 'smart' phone ever in 2011. That was a Blackberry model. I used that for hardly a few months as I could not stop indulging in getting myself a brand new iPhone-4. Just to mention, I moved to the USA at that time. Believe it or not, I was in complete love with this sleek white charm as soon as I unboxed. You may say, it's the trap of capitalism, but I am not the only one. This smartphone (read iPhone) fever captured the world.

Long story short, my life got changed. It's not about flaunting the prized possession or the pride of being a part of this elite, rich league. The effect of smartphones on human lives is even more impactful. In this article, I am going to take a retrospect of the arc of this journey of transition. To pay this homage, I am gathering down my thoughts pointwise:

• The connectivity is very obvious. The sole purpose of the device is to make you connected. We have LTE/ 5GE technology now, which gives the better connectivities. The availability and the speed of the mobile data (internet) is the key. With different applications (e.g., Whatsapp), it's effortless to connect with people throughout the world. Cheap or even free international calls, video calls, and texts literally made the world our new village. 
• My life became more serene and secure. Yes, definitely so. Long ago, I used to scare when I traveled alone to a new place. Thanks to Google/Apple Maps in a smartphone, that insecurity has gone. Finding a destination has never been so easy. I don't need to know a place but can safely drive or take public transport to reach the goal.  The inbuilt GPS on my phone is my ultimate guide. My insecurity and fear have gone. I can safely travel alone. The smartphone applications of translation (Google translator) is something that eradicates all the language problems and miscommunication globally. 
• With ride-sharing (Lyft/Uber) cab applications in my smartphone made the life easy for travel. These are the easiest cabs ever to deal with, with all security features. The payment is also no big deal, as these applications safely handle the monetary transaction online. 
• Which inevitably brings me to the next point. Now given the smartphone with me, I really don't need to carry cash or even cards (at least in the first world countries like the US). There are so many applications (chase pay/Apple pay, etc.) that can be used to pay in groceries or restaurants. So nowadays I travel really light. 
• Smartphones changed my idea or perceptions of life. The fear of the unknown has gone. Every time, whenever I need any tiny bit of information (say, the current flight status), even when I am outside or in the middle of anything, I can get that using Google/Safari or the appropriate applications. So I really feel shielded. 
• Smartphone cameras changed my life. Previously I was a DSLR person. Nowadays, I am thinking of selling that old mate, as I hardly bother to carry that heavy stuff. The lighter iPhone camera is of so much excellent caliber that one hardly needs the DSLR even for severe photographic interest. The smart cameras in the phones made life simpler. I don't remember things,  simply get a picture. 
• A lot of different lifestyle or gaming applications in the smartphone has really been impactful. Though reading books/articles is not very convenient, but manageable. With YouTube applications in smartphones, the experience of listening to music has been reached to the next level of freedom. With all the different choices and availabilities, listening to music is a totally personalized experience, which is giving some sense of liberation.
• The rating applications on smartphones, such as Yelp/Google review on maps, make it very easy to find a place of interest. Finding a good restaurant for any particular cuisine in a new city has never been so easy. 
• I feel much more productive and organized using the smart device. Using the notes and calendars, I feel more organized in my life. I usually don't miss any deadlines or forget anything important, which was an issue before I got my smartphone on. 
• While talking about smartphones, one cannot neglect social media applications. Before the smartphone era, I have enjoyed using Facebook on the laptop, but with the smartphone on, the appeal of this social media or chat applications reached to the next level. I can be 'online'  24 hours without any obstacle. To address any notification, it's just a matter of finger touch. Day in and day out, the connectivities through FB/Instagram/ WA or any typical social media apps are too addictive. 
• Finding friends or dating partners has never been that easy in the pre-smartphone era. There are many applications like Tinder/OkCupid has been immensely popular nowadays, and definitely changed my life. I have seen or talked to a lot of different random people worldwide, which gives a sense of liberation. 
• Every good thing in the world probably comes with a cost, so right for smartphones too. Now I am going to describe what are the negative impacts it has brought to my life. The first one to start with is addictivity. I have never been so addicted to anybody/ any material ever. The smartphone took away all my attention, as I have grown a constant habit of scrolling the phone. Sometimes it seems that I really need to consider the counseling or a therapist to have smartphone detox. Even though I feel connected with people, I feel disconnected from my neighbor or partner. As nobody pays attention to the world outside the phone screen, it has been an extremely unhealthy obsession of being stuck into the phone even when I am enjoying the dinner with my partner.
• I guess my patience decreased. I am always looking for newer and quicker entertainments while getting bored into a single thing quickly. As the smartphones offer too many options and applications, that people are still in a search mode to find the best one. So instead of giving proper attention to any particular thing, I start to deviate and scroll through social media or any other applications. 
• I have always been technologically agnostic. Now with my high interest in smartphones, I keep on eyes on upcoming technology and stuff. At the same time, I feel I am becoming more and more acquisitive. Even though my cell phone is doing perfectly okay, I feel the urge to get the newer version with more features and more modern technologies. Also though I can see the consumerist traps, I cannot help submitting to it. 

Overall, I think smartphones are making people a little loner in physical space and cutting down patience. 

For more reading and to get different approaches, please click the following thread:

https://www.quora.com/How-has-a-smartphone-changed-your-life